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Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Guyver 1991 movie review

HAPPY 2015 EVERYONE, If you guys have been fallowing this blog for a while you all would know that I'am a Huge Guyver fan boy. I consider the 1980's anime to be my favorite anime (this is like the only series that actually wants me to read the manga which no other anime has done before) and of course being a Guyver fan I do know that there is a Live action U.S. movie Ver. made in 1991. And for Guyver and Anime fans they say that this is the Black Sheep of the Guyver franchise. The movie was mainly created from the success of the Live action Ninja Turtles movie the Year before (and I wanna get this out their Bay's Turtles was in my option the most boring movie I have seen in quite a long time) this movie had Steve Wang directing it (Toku fans know he worked on Power Rangers Lost Galaxy and Kamen Rider Dragon Knight) and Screaming mad George (which gave high hopes because he did Society and that movie is ROYALLY FUCKED UP! I'll go into more details on behind the scenes latter but now let's get into the movie.

The movie begins with text credits that looks like it was from star wars with poor man’s Ver. of James earl jones and to sum it up quickly aliens created humans and some of them they created Zoanoid that are half human and half animal/ bug the leader of the Zoanoids called the Zoalord and created the Chronos Corp and are trying to find the Unite (it's called the G Unite tho) called the Guyver which is a defense armor.
We see a man named Mr. Segawa caring the G unite when "Chronos Zoanoids" see him and go to get Mr. Segawa and the G unite, Mr. Segawa switch the G Unite with a Toaster even tho it obvious looked like they saw Mr. Segawa switching the G unite with the toaster. Mr. Segawa Then turns into his Zoanoid form but then Lisker turns into his Zoanoid form and kills Mr. Segawa and taking the G Unite, when Mr. Segawa dies he dissolve into nothing but a skeleton, so fat this seems pretty promising but as you will see latter it is a neuter Ver. of the Guyver.

After 2 minutes of dragging opening credits in a Dojo we see a guy named Sean Barker (played by Jack Armstrong) who is Sho but his name is change to Shawn in the American Ver. of the movie (and for concinnity sake I will be calling him Shawn for the film, and while training a girl named Mizki Segawa (played by Vivian Wu) is there with Shawn by the way I originally thought it was a different name but nope it's still Mizuki just pronounce differently, and finally police man named Max Reed (played by Luke skywalker  himself Mark Hamill, now heres my problem with the movie they promote Mark Hamill as the Guyver his name is at the tittle of the DVD cover, it's shows him as the Guyver, his name it first on the cast listing, and he is not the Guyver, my only reason why is they knew the movie would suck and they then decide to Hype the crap out of Mark Hamill since they have him). Max tells Mizki her dad die also Max is our Tetsuro for the film since Tetsuro is not in the film at all which is the 2nd time this has happen the first being the Guyver OVA.
I should also talk about the cut away that will be repeated about a million times and feels like it should be in the Super friends cartoon.

MENWHILE AT CHRONES CORP Lisker give the lunchbox with the supposed G unite to the Zoalord AKA Hamilcar Barcas (Now while he has the name and has that jewel in his head just like in the Manga and Anime his appearance looks more like Richard Guyot with the suite and hair) and when Barcas opens it he finds out that it is a toaster and then makes Lisker punch himself and use the odious say "STOP PUNCHING YOURSELF, STOP PUNCHING YOURSELF, STOP PUNCHING YOURSELF". I wanna say David Gale is fantastic as Barcas he's not threating or evil or something like that it's just that he has so much HAM in his performance is like the love child of Bruce Campbell and Christopher Walken and that child ate nothing but ham, he's just that funny it is sad tho that he die 1 year after the movie was release and making this his last movie he ever did, it's just like the Raúl Juliá Street Fighter movie all over again.

Latter Shawn finds the Guyver in the Lunch Box from earlier and instead of taking it to the police (which in the Anime Shawn reviled his Guyver identity to a reporter) and just takes it with him as he heads off to Mizki place. And at Mizki place he sees Max with her and assumes that they are tougher? even tho like he is way to older and has a gun in his hand which magically disappears in the very next scene, then levers Shawn your dumb, like I cannot play the Simpsons SMRT joke cauz your that dumb.

Remember at the beginning of the review I put quotations on "Chronos Zoanoids" well JUST LOOK they look nothing like typical Zoanoids in designees. I just don't mean the normal Zoanoids wearing those spandex and helmets (which I wonder if they thought if it looks ridicules, well in that case you will see ridicules soon enough) and if they are support to be in designees then did people in the 90's really dress like that I mean really in that case what were they smoking in the 90’s. and while I’m on these guys I should mention their actors, the affirmation Lisker is played Michael Berryman who was surprisingly enough in the Hill has Eyes, Ramsey played by Peter Spellos who has voiced a bunch of anime roles like  Meramon in Digimon, Niimi from Ghost in the Shell, and finally Zadam in the Kikaider anime, Weber played by Spice Williams-Crosby who has had a pretty decent career after the movie and finally Striker who well let's just call him Jimmie Walker Zoanoid because he acts like Jimmie Walker, he talks like Jimmie Walker, rhymes like Jimmie Walker so basically it's Jimmie Walker playing Jimmie Walker and he is the worst part of the movie, I mean just the first scene where he talks is enough to want to strangle him. i will comment on this much they have more than 1 personality then KILL GUYVER, their personality are really just MEH but it's different.
When Shawn gets attack by a gang he hits his head on the G unit and just like in the 2 amines manga and OVA the G unite attaches to Shawn’s head turning him into the Guyver. Now I got to say the Guyver suite in this movie is glorious, I mean it just looks spectacular the head looks just like it does in the anime and looks super detail. i would not say this is accurate in the anime tho because of 2 thing, 1 the Guyver suite just looks WELL JUST LIKE A SUITE and the normally the Guyver is depicted with having bigger shoulder pads and more buff looking. and 2 the head crescent can go up and down (and it's mostly down the whole film anyways) so are the eyes but I still like it and it looks very unique and I actually hope Figma gets the rights to this design because I really do want a figure of this because it helps separate this design from all other designs, they even mange to put detail on the chest which originally there was none. The fight ends with Shawn almost killing a guy but realizing what he has done, I see they even got that part about if the Guyver self-defense mode but it's in accurate because 1 you do not talk when in that mode and 2 this battle field should more bloodier if you get what I mean, also the part about control which was a huge theme of the Guyver is barely in the movie.
Latter Max goes to try and protect Mizki in the but the Zoanoids get here and with Shawn arriving they get out and Jimmie Walker Zoanoid turns into his Zoanoid form which does not look 1 bit like a stereotypical Black Man, and was jar jar binks before jar jar binks was even created, and then he jumps over a wall and break the 4th wall with saying she should scree not him and the scene goes on for a minute and? Seriously I do mean it while I’am not describing it perfect just see it and you will get it, also all of these people memory should be either dead or have their memory erase because Chronos are those people who always keeps things on the top secrete and would not let the tiniest of people know the truth, hack they even killed Sho's friends because he was cloest to him and sho did not tell them he was the Guyver

The rest of the Zoanoids transform and get the 3 and I have to say they really kinda do not look like Zoanoids they look more like reject MMPR PR villains because well just look at them the only 1 I can take seriously is Lisker and his design was influence by Gregol from the Anime or that 1 Zoanoids from the manga that was just about to turn into his Zoanoid form and the pink one looks like Ramotith. Shawn finally learns how to summon the Guyver by shouting GUYVER! Then Jimmie Walker Zoanoid says the most informs part that is not funny and what to bang your head in and feels very races of him talking, YOUR ALL LUCKY I DON'T LINK IT TO YOU ALL, and then the Guyver kick his ass AHAHAHAH.

After a fight between the Guyver and the Zoanoids which feels like forever near the end it looks like Shawn killed Mizuki but really did not the Zoanoids gang up on the Guyver and rip the control metal out of his head and then the Guyver dies with a stop motion effect and then Mizki and Max are taken back to Chronos HQ.

Mizki then wakes up and from a very pervy shot from Barcas and he explains what the title sequence and I said already with the origins of humans and Zoanoids and he tries to make Mizki join with him and they can rule the world and BLA BLA BLA. When Mizki get the control metal she threatens to break it then it goes into a Zoanoid that is still wearing it's fucking tie and glasses and looks ridicules the Guyver pop out of its stomach with the Jaws them like his blade being used as the fin, no seriously. And this scene is what I consider the best line in the whole movie "Lisker- I killed you once and I'll kill you again. Shawn- You can't kill me I've been reject by death" just so awesome and so Guyver. 

The Guyver fights the rest of the Zoanoids and free max from his prison in being in a chamber but since he was not in their long enough he turns into this bug like thing and then dies. Now this scene I must talk about because this scene played out complete different of the first scrip that surface some time ago. You see originally what happen Max Zoanoid attacked Shawn and being controlled from Barcas; Max then uses his front legs to try and kill him then ask Shawn to kill him. Lisker is still alive and holding Shawn leg then max ask again for Shawn to kill him and then Shawn snaps Max neck and then Shawn would then steps on Liskers head and kills him to. Now that sounds a lot like the Guyver I know, also you wanna know what also happens to Jimmie Walker Zoanoid dies in the film.

BUT NO NNNNOOOOO NONO NO NO NNNNNOOOOOOOOO he still lives with a twist that came out of left field and one of Max policeman friend being a part of Chronos and setting up a sequel that this version of the movie never had, AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

So then Baucus turns into his Zoanoid form whsch I honestly don't know hat his design is modle after and traps the Guyver.

It looks like it's the end of the Guyver but then what happens next he unleash his Mega Smasher, before I continue in both the Manga and Anime the Mega Smasher is used as a giant ray of lazer that is so big it pretty much impacts the sounding areas too, here to its use pitifully and it looks like the Guyver farted Barcas to death (so basically

The movie ends with Shawn and Mizki finally being tougher and that end scene I already talked about and the final scene is Jimmie Walker Zoanoid saying DYNOMITE because FUCKING Jimmie Walker Zoanoid THATS FUCKING WHY!

 Overall 1/5
 This movie sucks
First the good about this movie the designs are all well done, despite some design not looking like they belong to the Guyver at all they are at least they are all made good, Baucus over acting was funny to watch and enjoyed every minute of it which and helps with the poor acting like Mizki. Now for the bad or basically everything else, Jimmie Walker Zoanoid was just SO FUCKING BAD like no joke, the tone of the movie is all over the place it doesn't know rather to be a fateful adaption of the original Manga/ anime or a campy cheese movie that they decide to do BECAUSE? Really why, WHY DID THEY MAD THIS A CAMPY FILME? Fights are Bad and considering Steve Wang is attach to this that's saying something, worst part is cartelization with Shawn being an idiot, Mizki being totally bland and is like Mari from Faiz with the Dull Surprise look, while Mark Hamole is giving his all he has nothing to work with, the worst is Chromes because they are dumb and stupid villains that do not know disguise, and that is what I did like about Chronos in both the Manga and Anime. You’re all probably wondering "why did you not giving this movie The X Virus Award Seal of Failure™  you do give it out to the worst of the worst?" now that is true But honestly for as bad as this movie is I really can't really bring myself to I hate it this movie. Yah I mean sure there is a lot of stuff to be worthy of hate epically if you are a Guyver fan (and just think about that a Guyver fan saying he does not hate this movie) andEpically all the Jimmie Walker Zoanoid scenes they were all just God aweful. But I guess why there is so much bad in this movie you could make fun of it and the movie is just an hour and 30 minutes long so it's not that long. Or the reason why I'am not giving it The X Virus Award Seal of Failure™ is because I ranted on Kamen Rider Taisen which is NOTHING BUT WRONG, and I used up all my anger on that review, no joke before I releases that review I had some anger built up in me and when I did post that review I felt hipper. So to sum this movie is not really recommended by me but it's not totally that bad in my eyes